I can't dance

or sing for that matter. That is what I just realized whilst sitting here in Statistics class and internally whistling the Scissor Sisters song. It's not something that bothers me or anything, I have always had a strong stance against the social convention of dressing up prettily and moving to the tact of classical music with a partner. Which is something that people do not seem to understand, but I personally have always seen dancing as an act of ultimate conformity to an ancient, obsolete system and equally dated values. And fuck me if I am going to do that, I have not ever been convinced by anyone to do so, and whilst some may see it differently, I treat that as an accomplishment. A pretty huge one actually, given the pressure multiple parties put me under when graduation day approached. But like a rock in the surge I remained resilient against any and all tries to get me to "finally" learn how to dance. Fucking hell, those people were annoying. Like my memory of that day would have been enhanced by the knowledge that I moved around to stupid-ass music like a fucking clone. It would actually have been worsened by it, which is why I stayed strong, and, in spite of all pleas and offers, did not join in when "all the graduates" were asked to "come down to the floor", but rather stayed in the back with a good friend of mine enjoying my beer, my decision, and my life in general. It was a good night. And the faces of pure confusion and anger on my classmates' faces when they realized that I was actually being serious was fucking priceless to say the least. Just remembering that evening actually causes a big grin to appear on my face, and isn't that what really counts? That I can personally look back at my graduation party and know that I enjoyed myself there. Even if doing so meant that I had to piss off quite a lot of people. 

But well, it's not like I have ever cared about them or their opinions. And that's not only referring to my former classmates, some of which were actually alright, but rather to mankind altogether. "I just don't give a fuck.", as Eminem so fittingly put it. Which applies to me in a lot of ways. I simply do not care about so many things. That is a kind of behavior that has been prevalent throughout my existence, but always in different forms. I have not given a fuck all throughout high school, which back then showed itself in me skipping classes and living as unhealthily as possible. But those were mainly my hormones acting up I guess. Nowadays I have just stopped giving a fuck about society and my place within it. And I have stopped caring so much that I am the most tolerant person you'll ever meet, because I simply have no interest in your color of skin, sexual preferences, and way of dressing or acting. At all. "Live and let live" are real words to live by here. As long as you don't annoy me, I won't annoy you. And if you try to annoy me I will just leave. It's as simple as that, and if more people thought that way, the world would be a much better place. But I have touched on this issue before. Notwithstanding I am feeling a sudden urge to write about it again, but am rather doubtful that I will come to any fresh conclusions or revelations in the course of doing so. Is it really that hard to find new topics though? I mean not only here, but more like generally. My entire way of being and thinking seems to revolve around a few central themes and issues that change in manifestation but never in essence. It all boils down to the same exact stew. And whilst that may seem like something one would easily get sick and tired of, I don't actually mind. For reasons outlined above mainly. Even if my life were the monotonous dulling glob that I fear it is sometimes, why should I care? I am quite happy with the way things are going lately, and have always had a certain sense of contentedness in my life. In some periods that was essentially gone, but it always remained lingering in the background of my psyche. Which can once again be related to the fact that not giving a fuck makes you de facto happy, seeing as when you just don't care about things they quickly stop bothering you. So, am I perpetuating the "yolo" lifestyle that has apparently become dominant in my generation by saying that not giving a fuck is the way to go? I like to think that I'm not. It is so fucking pathetic to use that slogan as an excuse for incredibly stupid and at times dangerous behavior. I mean you know my feelings towards drug-use and similar things, but there is such a thing as doing it smartly, and in moderation. And the people that actually use such slogans as a way to define their "unique" lifestyle are just fucking idiots. Such. Fucking. Idiots. Which is why I draw a very clear line between these fuckers and myself. My definition of not giving a fuck and living life for the day differs largely from what these... creatures believe to be the "right way to go, man". I mean there is an obvious difference between healthy non-caring and deliberately getting into dangerous situations. Even if it may seem similar, and even though the reasons might be akin to each other, the resulting personalities are extremely different. So fucking different that I feel the need to make sure I am not ever thrown into a pot with these fucking parasites. Behaving like a jackass does not make you "cool" or give you "swag". And I should kill myself for even using a word like the latter. But I am in need of making a point, so it's somewhat appropriate. Anyway, it seems that nowadays the common denominator among these people is that stupidity and recklessness pay off, or make you cool. I mean what the hell? That is just too idiotic to be put into words. Actually it's sad. How youth culture has deteriorated since "the good old days" that I myself unfortunately never experienced is fucking depressing to say the least. Damn, I sound like an old hippie reminiscing the sixties: "Back in the Woodstock days our movement meant something man, we were changing the world one trip at a time". Ha. Albeit being too cliche for words, this sentence holds a truth. Not caring about the obsolete societal system in place used to be expressed in political songs and demonstrations combined with heavy use of psychoactive substances. But nowadays it's simply not about the real anymore. Nowadays that carelessness is expressed in idiocy, which is of course exactly the way the system in place and those guarding it want it to be: "Let the idiots live their pathetic fantasies while we're making cash and brainwashing future generations with our poisoned, foul, and rotten ideologies". And without noticing it, a lot of people are simply playing into that, doing what they're supposed to, functioning without thinking, not smoking but drinking, and slowly turning into lifeless shells that have more resemblance to decaying cadavers than to human beings. This can essentially be related back to a few of my anti-society posts, but I think I've never touched on this particular aspect before.

Actually, let's look at it from another perspective. Think about a nightclub, or a rave. What does it look like these days? There's sluts in skirts barely covering any flesh weirdly shaking their behinds to bad electronic music with even worse vocals, there's the guys that only come out of the gym for the party and look like a drunk Schwarzenegger copy (which is not a fucking compliment by the way), and there's your typical aggressive asshole only looking for a fight. And what happens there? Well, the sluts usually get fucked by the Schwarzeneggers at some point, the assholes get into fights with each other, and "normal" club-goers like me have long left because the scene was too obscene and depraved to bear. Now think about the same place or event, but 30 to 50 years ago. There were close to no fights. There were no totally-ripped, abercrombie&fitch wearing douches. There were sluts, but they weren't instantly recognizable as such, and there was at least a little work involved to get into their pants. The people were not there because they wanted to make sure that everyone sees how fucking cool they feel they are, no, the people were there to drop some acid, pop a couple of pills, and be unified in happiness and dance. They felt a sense of togetherness within the music; they felt as part of a movement that tuned in and dropped out just for the heck of it, but also as a statement to authority, society, and the conservative system. These day-dreaming hippies had more political ambition in their little finger than today's club-goers will ever have in their entire being. And that is just fucking sad. I mean of course, going out shouldn't have to be a sign of protest every time, and it should of course be about having fun, but that's not even the way it is nowadays. No, these days going out feels like going to a beauty-contest of sorts; everybody is trying to look better than the next person, everyone is trying to show that they can do the most drugs ('combat-drinking' as it is called in Germany, and yes alcohol is a drug, actually one of the worst ones there are), and no-one is showing that they're just fucking stoked to be there with all the similar-minded people. Simply because people are not even close to being similar to each other anymore, and everyone is going to these clubs for a plethora of different reasons, meaning that the unison that was felt "back in the days" is completely out of the picture. And that is what is most sad - people are competing instead of co-operating, hating instead of loving, and destroying instead of creating. We need to go back to what the students in '69 were trying to convey to us: Peace, Love, and Harmony. As much as these words sound like cliches of a stoned acid-freak, it would make the world a much better place if everyone just tried to apply the underlying concept to their own lives. So much better. But well, that's not the way a "normal" human being is supposed to be apparently, no, we're geared for competition in all aspects of our existence, we're taught to always outsmart and outdo others in order to succeed. We need to fucking change our way of thinking. Or we'll just use our nukes at some point and wipe ourselves out completely. Which would probably be best anyway.

Well, all that is essentially left to say is that I really hope that at least some of you will try and incorporate the thoughts expressed above into your lives, if just a couple people would behave differently and try to achieve harmony with their surroundings, I would be extremely happy. But anyway, I hope I have at least given you something to think about, or reminded you of values long forgotten. And well, at this point I will as always leave you with some good music:

Showtek - Fuck The System 
-> Oh my god. How much better of a song could I have picked? He essentially reiterates the thoughts expressed above, and well although hardstyle is not my all-time favorite kind of music, this song gets really well after the somewhat boring intro. And well, for all of you impatient people that want to know what the fuck I was talking about when I said he essentially says the same as me, fast forward to 0:59. But anyway, this song holds so much truth, and really expresses words to live by more or less if you ask me, so... Enjoy!

Torqux - No Way Back 
-> Look, I've spent some time on the UKF Dubstep channel once again, and stumbled upon this dark beauty here. Amazing intro that sound somewhat familiar (if anyone knows where I could know it from please let me know!), slowly building up to insane drops and an overall musical awesomeness with an extremely heavy, somber feel to it. Well, an all in all amazing tune, so... Enjoy!

D12 - Purple Pills 
-> "Cool, calm, just like my mom, with a couple of Valium inside her palm" Eminem was so much better on drugs. Like most artists actually, as soon as they're clean they stop making this creatively fucked up and awesomely funny music. But well, this song is just so fucking great, I can't even put into words how much I enjoy listening to it over and over and over again, it's just such a drug-enthusiastic track couple with D12's unique humor. This tune is so great you have no choice but to... Enjoy! (it)

Eminem - The Kids 
-> "Drugs are bad, m'kay?" Haha. Well, I have to say that I usually don't feature an artist twice in one post, but well, this song just needed to be here because it is as awesome as the one above, and just sarcastically shows the extreme examples that are always made up in the media when it comes to the topic of drugs, making this song even more awesome, and well Eminem's humor is just so great. And yeah, I have noticed that the lyrics' timing is way off, but I couldn't find another video right now, so you'll just have to live with that. Anyway, this song is fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!

The Beatles - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds 
-> Some say this song was based on a picture John Lennon's son, but I believe it is about LSD (as do many others). It just describes this incredibly individual and spiritual drug so perfectly, it shows how abstract it is and how little one can actually say about it. And well "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds". And the trippy-ass video that looks like it was thought up whilst on acid anyway. Regardless of the songs content though, it is musically awesome and The Beatles were just a great band, so...Enjoy!

Deep Purple - Child In Time
-> Here is another psychedelic classic, this time by Deep Purple, and well... music like this just isn't made anymore. The incredible vocals, the drums, the guitar, just everything, it's like a perfect orgasm slowly rising and coming to an amazingly beautiful finale. This is one of the songs that remind of why I enjoy music so much, it reminds me that I was born way too late, and shows how fucking talented musicians used to be. All in all, it's just an amazing tune that everyone should know, and if you don't you're in for a treat, so... Enjoy!

Well, I once again fucked up the deadline, didn't I? But not as badly as last time, this post took only 10 days instead of eleven to be completed. Which is still three days too much, but I'm slowly getting there. Anyway, this entry is mostly concerning itself with society, not giving a fuck, and drugs, which are very dominant themes in this blog, but well, these are also the things I spent most of my time thinking about, so I put these thoughts down here. Plus I am really trying to slowly work through all aspects of these topics. Which is impossible to do in a single post, so I am always rehashing these subjects in a different light, which is hopefully enjoyable to you.


Peace!